in an Abusive Relationship?

·Does your partner block an exit to keep you from leaving during an argument? 
·Limit or keep you from seeing friends or family? Use name calling?
·Does your partner destroy or threaten to destroy your property?
·Does your partner go through your cell phone, email, mail, wallet or other personal items?
·Does your partner often accuse you of cheating with little or no reason?
·Threaten suicide or to kill you if you were to leave?
·Does your partner berate, belittle or criticize you in the presence of others? Say no one else would want you?
·Do you feel like you're "walking on eggshells" around your partner?
·Does your partner withhold your children or threaten that if you leave you will never see the children again?
·Have you been shoved, slapped, punched, bitten, or kicked? Even once?
·Has your partner ever used a household item as a weapon (i.e. kitchen utensils, keys, lamp)?
·Does your partner anger easily, chiefly when drinking or on drugs?

But my partner never actually hit me

Domestic abuse is NOT always physical violence. In fact, many abusive relationships may never escalate to physical violence. Other types of violence are very common and can be just as damaging to the victim and children.

Other Types of Violence

EMOTIONAL/VERBAL: Threatening you or implying a threat of  future harm including: any kind of threats to you, your children, pets, or property;    constant insults, criticisms or putdowns; isolation from family and friends; stalking; making you or others think that you are mentally ill; interrogations; causation of fear of your partner.

FINANCIAL ABUSE: Controlling finances, denying you access to money, denying you or children basic needs such as food or medical care; spending money without mutual agreement and creating debt; restricting your ability to find employment, maintain/advance your career and acquire assets; preventing you from obtaining education.

SEXUAL ASSAULT: Unwanted sexual contact; sexual humiliation; attempted or completed sexual act without the consent of the partner; use of physical force to compel partner to engage in sex against their will.

Services Provided

·Civil Protection Orders and Legal Advocacy
·Parenting Plans/Dissolutions
·Court/Legal/Medical Accompaniment

    - Provide support to victims alleging domestic violence.
    - Provide 24/7 response capability on/off base.
    - Establish and maintain current and effective safety 
      planning and risk assessment.
    - Immediately report any changes in the victim's
      circumstances that impact the safety plan.
    - Advise victims of the reporting options and the military 
      and civil actions available to promote safety.
    - Offers victims information and referrals regarding their
       identified needs.
    - Offers follow up services to each victim.
    - Discuss the impact of DV on children.

Free and Confidential Victim Advocacy Services

·Civilian/Military Referrals for:

  - Child Maltreatment
  - Spouse Maltreatment
  - Intimate Partner Maltreatment

·Family Advocacy Free Groups and Classes
  - Stress Management for all
  - Power and Control Groups
  - Anger Management Classes
  - Parenting Classes: 1, 2, 3, Magic and Love Logic, Dad's
    the Basics
  - Couples Communication
  - How Not to Marry a Jerk or Jerkette (coming soon)

Contact Information

FAFB Domestic Abusive Victim Advocate (DAVA) On/Off Base 24/7 Hotline: (509) 247-2016

DAVA Duty Phone:
(509) 247-3148 (Mon-Thurs: 7 a.m. - 5 p.m.)
National Hotline:

24 Hr. Spokane Hotline/Shelter
YWCA: (509) 326-2255
Court Facilitator: (509) 477-7612

Spokane County Prosecutor's Office:
(509) 477-3662
Inland Northwest LGBT:
(509) 489-1914 from 12 p.m. - 6 p.m.



The most telling sign is your friend may seem afraid of their partner or is always anxious to please him or her.

He/she has stopped seeing their friends or family, or cuts phone conversations short when their partner is in the room.

Their partner often criticizes them or humiliates them in front of other people.

They say their partner pressures or forces them to do sexual things.

Their partner often orders them about or makes all the decisions (for example, their partner controls all the money, tells them who they can see and what they can do.) They always have to ask to get permission.

They often talk about their partner's 'jealousy', 'bad temper' or 'possessiveness'. When they are away from their partner their phone is constantly blowing up.

They have become anxious or depressed, have lost their confidence or are unusually quiet.

They have physical injuries (bruises, broken bones, sprains, cuts etc..) They may give unlikely explanations for physical injuries.

Their children seem afraid of the other spouse, have behavior problems or are very withdrawn or anxious.

They are reluctant to leave their children with their partner.

After they have left the relationship, the partner is constantly calling, harassing, following, coming to the house or waiting outside.

If you have seen this type of behavior please make the call to educate yourself on how to help them and encourage your friend to seek help anonymously.


27/7 CALL (509) 247- 2016

DO'S AND DON'TS  in approaching your wingman, co-worker, or friend.

DO'S: Ask if something is wrong, privately without children, have some time to spend.

Express your concern and point out the things you have noticed that make you worried.

Tell the person that you're here, whenever he or she feels ready to talk. Reassure the person that you'll keep whatever is said between the two of you and let them know that you'll help in any way you can.  One sentence that can start the conversation is: "I am concerned about your safety" "I am concerned about your children's safety." I have noticed some changes...

Listen and validate their experience: Now truly use active listening. If you are thinking of what to say next or what you would do in the same situation you are not listening.

Offer Help: Number 1, give them the DAVA's phone number (509) 247-2016. They can call anonymously 24/7; the DAVA can go on or off base for meetings.

Finally, DO support their decision. It may not be the decision you would make but the key here is unconditionally support the victim.

Wait for them to come to you. By the time they come to me they are already enmeshed in the DV cycle.

Don't Judge or blame.  Do not use WHY questions or the word should. Why didn't you do this? Another question to avoid is "Mary's not hitting you is she?

Don't pressure them to decide or make a move. You are not there to save them, they will do that themselves.

Never give advice. This may distance the victim should they decide not to take it.

Never place conditions on your support. "I will help you if you do not go back to the abuser." An average victim will attempt to leave 7 to 9 times before leaving the relationship for good. The DAVA works with 3 types of victims, those that stay in the relationship, those that come and go in the relationship and those that are escaping.

Remember, abusers are very good at controlling and manipulation their victims. People who have been emotionally or physically battered are depressed, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help to get out, yet they've often been isolated from their family and friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing.

How to Report

Report Domestic Violence

Restricted Reporting and Unrestricted Reporting

·Unrestricted Reporting
Victim has the full range of advocacy services including
legal, Family Advocacy Classes and counseling.
- Limited confidentiality - all personnel are mandatory
reporters of suspected child abuse and neglect.
- Triggers an investigation and Command is notified.

·Restricted Reporting
Confidential report of domestic abuse.
- Victim has full range of services.
- The request is not forwarded to command or law
- Disclosure of:these5items will VOID confidentiality and Restricted Reporting.
1. Suicidal Ideation
2. Homicidal Ideation
3. Child Abuse/Neglect
4. Illegal Activities
5. Strangulation
- The request for services must be made exclusively to a
victim advocate, Family Advocacy Officer or medical