Chaplain’s word of the week: Happy-Scared Published June 17, 2016 By Capt. (Chap.) Jeffrey McMillen 92nd Air Refueling Wing chaplain FAIRCHILD AIR FORCE BASE, Wash. -- “I think reintegration rivals deployment. It's not easy learning to live together again after so much time apart.” -- Anonymous military spouse Airmen of the 92nd ARW, I haven't been that mad at my wife in years! She and my 16-year-old daughter decided it was time to “upgrade the phones.” Never mind that I have a serious problem giving a teenager an iPhone 6s (flip phones are good enough in my book). The worst part about it? They made the decision without me! I couldn't believe it! My thoughts raced, "What's happening to our marriage? We always discuss big expenditures. Does she not love me anymore? There must be a conspiracy going on." "You wanna talk about this later?” my wife asked. I replied in an angry voice, “Yeah. I'm gonna hang up now. I need to cool down." Gently, she said, “OK, I'll talk to you later.” Ironically, it was one hour before the start of the marriage class I was teaching that night. “Crap!” I thought, “why can't I ever get away with being mad at my wife?" At that very moment I felt the piercing of my conscience, realizing I handled that conversation very poorly. So, with my head hung low, I called her back. As you might guess, when I shut up long enough to listen, she told me the whole story. My daughter's phone was on its last leg. It wouldn't charge anymore and was randomly shutting down. It was time to replace it. At that moment, my shoe leather was not tasting very good. Here's what's crazy. The time is quickly approaching when we will be reunited as a family, and I can't wait! For nearly eight months, all I have been able to think about is being with my wife and daughter. Why would I choose to pick fights with my wife on the phone? How stupid is that? I'm not sure I fully grasp my problem, but it's starting to make more sense. There are two feelings co-resident in my heart: joy and fear. On the one hand, I am elated at the thought of living together. On the other hand, I'M SCARED OUT OF MY WITS! To be sure, this isn't our first rodeo. Reintegration has been tough for us every time. Subconsciously, I know that hard work lies ahead, learning how to live together again. And I am NOT happy about it. You all know this. During separation we get accustomed to living apart. We have to. It's survival. If we didn't learn how to function independently of each other, we'd fall apart emotionally. So, we make adjustments and press on. The hardest part, however, is reversing the adaptations we've made so we can live as interdependent family members again. I wish there were easy solutions to this. I've read many books on reintegration. Heck, I've given countless briefs to returning troops on how to re-adjust to life together. The fact is, each family must work hard to discover what works for them. Each husband, wife and child must walk that rocky path, learning how to be a spouse, child, parent all over again. If there is one common denominator, I believe it is the word “work.” Indeed, no matter how you slice it, that is the one thing reintegration requires. I want you to know that in the months ahead, as the McMillen family steps onto that path, my thoughts and prayers are with all of you as well. This is a hard part of our existence, but it is a critical skill we must constantly hone if we're going to keep our families strong. May we all heed the words of Commander Nesmith (“Galaxy Quest”), "Never give up! Never surrender!" Editor’s note: For questions related to the services the Base Chapel provides, please call (509) 247-2264.
