Relationship guru gets Airmen, families speaking the same language

  • Published
  • By By Senior Airman Ryan Lackey
  • 92nd Air Refueling Wing Public Affairs
Dr. Gary Chapman, a renowned relationship counselor and author of “The 5 Love Languages,” hosted three seminars for Team Fairchild Airmen about understanding ways of showing love to significant others, coworkers and family members Aug. 1.

Chapman collaborated with Jocelyn Green on a military edition of his book after working with several chaplains about the unique challenges and stresses of military life.

“Military members have relationship challenges that are unique to them,” Chapman said. “That’s what I’m trying to address so people walk away with an understanding of how to keep love alive past the initial “in-love” experience by learning how to speak their partner’s love language.”

Chapman places love languages in five categories:
• “Words of Affirmation” seekers are people that enjoy hearing “I love you” and other compliments. They value what people say, especially kind words from those they’re close to.
• The “Quality Time” language is all about giving undivided attention to someone. When someone makes time in their busy schedule for them, they feel highly valued.
• “Receiving gifts” doesn’t mean being greedy; thoughtfulness is weighed far more heavily than expense for those who are this type.
• Expressing affection via “Acts of Service” is for people that prefer to do something kind to express affection, and they enjoy it in return.
• Many best express caring through “Physical Touch,” and enjoy hugs, holding hands or even a firm handshake and slap on the back.

Learning how others feel valued is an invaluable resource that works in both the home and at work, and helps to promote communication, build bonds and promote stress relief.

“This is about stress-relieving communication … because if you’re troubled at home then you can’t focus at work,” said Capt. Juan Reyes, 92nd Air Refueling Wing chaplain. “When your spouse or family feels loved, then it frees you to focus more on the mission.”

The languages go beyond intimate relationships and extend to other family members, friends and coworkers. Such insights can prove invaluable for young Airmen learning how to manage military service, work and a social life.

“I found the book to have good insights,” said Airman Olivia Simione, 92nd ARW religious affairs specialist. “I’m not married, but I now feel more equipped to communicate and be closer to God, my friends and family.”

For more information about “The 5 Love Languages” and other relationship building resources, visit or contact the Base Chapel at 509-247-2264.