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If you know of someone who is being abused...

WARNING SIGNS THAT YOUR FRIEND IS BEING ABUSED:

The most telling sign is your friend may seem afraid of their partner or is always anxious to please him or her.

He/she has stopped seeing their friends or family, or cuts phone conversations short when their partner is in the room.

Their partner often criticizes them or humiliates them in front of other people.

They say their partner pressures or forces them to do sexual things.

Their partner often orders them about or makes all the decisions (for example, their partner controls all the money, tells them who they can see and what they can do.) They always have to ask to get permission.

They often talk about their partner's 'jealousy', 'bad temper' or 'possessiveness'. When they are away from their partner their phone is constantly blowing up.

They have become anxious or depressed, have lost their confidence or are unusually quiet.

They have physical injuries (bruises, broken bones, sprains, cuts etc..) They may give unlikely explanations for physical injuries.

Their children seem afraid of the other spouse, have behavior problems or are very withdrawn or anxious.

They are reluctant to leave their children with their partner.

After they have left the relationship, the partner is constantly calling, harassing, following, coming to the house or waiting outside.

If you have seen this type of behavior please make the call to educate yourself on how to help them and encourage your friend to seek help anonymously.
27/7 CALL (509) 247- 2016

DO'S AND DON'TS  in approaching your wingman, co-worker, or friend.

DO'S: Ask if something is wrong, privately without children, have some time to spend.

Express your concern and point out the things you have noticed that make you worried.

Tell the person that you're here, whenever he or she feels ready to talk. Reassure the person that you'll keep whatever is said between the two of you and let them know that you'll help in any way you can.  One sentence that can start the conversation is: "I am concerned about your safety" "I am concerned about your children's safety." I have noticed some changes...

Listen and validate their experience: Now truly use active listening. If you are thinking of what to say next or what you would do in the same situation you are not listening.

Offer Help: Number 1, give them the DAVA's phone number (509) 247-2016. They can call anonymously 24/7; the DAVA can go on or off base for meetings.

Finally, DO support their decision. It may not be the decision you would make but the key here is unconditionally support the victim.

Don'ts:
Wait for them to come to you. By the time they come to me they are already enmeshed in the DV cycle.

Don't Judge or blame.  Do not use WHY questions or the word should. Why didn't you do this? Another question to avoid is "Mary's not hitting you is she?

Don't pressure them to decide or make a move. You are not there to save them, they will do that themselves.

Never give advice. This may distance the victim should they decide not to take it.

Never place conditions on your support. "I will help you if you do not go back to the abuser." An average victim will attempt to leave 7 to 9 times before leaving the relationship for good. The DAVA works with 3 types of victims, those that stay in the relationship, those that come and go in the relationship and those that are escaping.

Remember, abusers are very good at controlling and manipulation their victims. People who have been emotionally or physically battered are depressed, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help to get out, yet they've often been isolated from their family and friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing.